What is woman?

Have been a woman (used to be girl, of course) for already 20 plus years, never did I ask myself this question until now. What does it mean to be a woman? and what kind of woman do I want to be? What is a woman? As a woman, living in today's world, living this one life, what is our mission? what is our dream? and what is our purpose?

Well, of course it's not hard to find some answers and some definitions, but that's others' ideology, belief and propaganda, what's yours? Your own definition of woman. Well, speaking for myself, I'd like to say women are like this untapped gold mine, buried under weeds, underestimated both by ourselves and by others, but full of potentials, if only we have faith in ourselves. The world is big, it's NOT just about yourself, your man, romance, marriage, family, or kids, there are so much more to life, if only we are willing to open our eyes.

Self Control!!!

Thanks to a recent illness with my stomach, I realized that my lack of self-control is out of control.

Mom said, how come the older you get, the more spoiled you become, in fact, this time, you are spoiling yourself.

Am I? I too wonder why it takes me more time and energy now to take control of myself and get over things. As of there is this big whining baby inside of me, feeding on my leniency toward myself. Everytime I gave myself permission to go over boundaries, she grew a little big bigger and whined a little bit louder. When she is sad, she has to be consoled; when she didn't get what she wanted, she is making everyone miserable. Her appetite is growing, and Im losing control.

Lord, help me get rid of this giant baby inside of me, im growing tired of it.

Little woman,

Grow your heart a little bit bigger, and make it a little bit harder... ...

Going Public

Blackstone prospectus

Farewell

When I leave you, it will also take me a good cry, but I too will look up to the sky because I know tomorrow will be just as bright... ...

It's not just about love

When you are young, you fall in love, so head-over-heel, so passionate that you think you can sacrifice anything just for love. However, as you grow up, you gradually realize that it's not that simple. You see, I love you + You love me does not necessarily produces marriage on the other side of the equation. Somehow, you find out that you are not the one that matters in your own life. It's not just about love, about you, about the two of you, there are a gazillion other people, things, dreams, broken hearts, ... ... pulling at you. Suddenly, it's not about you anymore. You are not important. It's not about love any more, love is trivial. Let's talk about reality, let's talk about being practical. No wonder people always say that growing up sucks. Grownups and children hold totally different systems of logic. So, what do we do? or should we ask, what do you want me to do?

Just some thoughts

1. GMAT's quantitive part is really elementary level, but the point is, they are not testing the tedious formulas and algorithms, instead, it is your way to approach a problem that is tested. Do you know how to use ur brain? Do you use it as an analyzer, or just a database? B-people's math rarely go beyond addition, subtraction, division and multiplication. Overthinking is not getting you anywhere, here is an example:

If r is remainder of p/m, is r>1?

1). the greatest common divisor of m and p is 2
2). the least common multiple of m and p is 30

is 1), 2) alone sufficient enough to solve the problem, or u need both conditions, or both won't even solve the problem, the so-called data sufficiency problem.

2. The ex-wives club, the new ABC reality show, is stupid! What message is it trying to convey to those broken-hearted woman? That hatred and revenge are the remedies? They even send those poor women immediately to a blind date after the breakup, and later send the tape to their ex's to make them feel bad. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! Sorry, can't come up with a more fitting adj.

Happy Father's Day!

Besides for the purpose of commerical gains, Mom and Pop's day was created to make us, the children, feel guilty. I have to admit that I am a very bad bad daughter. Not that I have taken drugs or gotten pregnant or anything, I still feel that there are so many things that I could have done or done better, for them. Take 'em all for granted, their love, care and endless looking after.
Sometimes you don't have to get into trouble to be a bad kid, just those small things in life, that we really should start to learn to appreciate.

Dad, Happy Father's Day!

Grandma's Orchard [I]

"Oh, how time flies!" Rocking in her chair, Grandma would always start her story like this. "It feels just like yesterday, I was at most your age last time I was in the orchard..(counting with fingers)....66 years have passed, I wonder what it's like now, have other people already found it? ... ..."

The orchard Grandma was talking about is a fairyland she serendipitously stepped in when she was young. My parents never took it seriously, "Mom, Apple is too old to listen to those fairy tale any more," they would say whenever I asked Grandma to tell me about the orchard and the fairies. "But it's ture!" Grandma would insist. I was the only one who believed her, and in my heart, I have always wanted to find that orchard, for her.

My name is Apple. Grandma gave me the name, and you know why. According to her, there is this huge apple tree in the middle of the orchard, and every year it only bears three apples. Gold, silver and red are their colors. Bigger than any normal-sized apples, their skin glitters under the sun. Oh, and the aroma that draws you in, it's undescribable. I asked Grandma if she ever tasted any of the special apples, she would always smile mysteriously and say, "I will tell you when you are old enough."

I don't like to be left hanging, but there is no evidence whatsoever. As a matter of fact, Grandma's old house had been scouted for you-don't-know how many times, still. I know it's bad, and you kids out there should never eumulate. Like Grandma said, everything happens at the right timing, and you can't hasten things, it's fate." So I wait, wait for the day to come, a day when I can be called a grown-up.

There is this old chinese saying, "If it's yours, nobody can take it away from you. but if it's not, no matter how hard you try, you still can't get it." Such a fatalistic point of view. But for those of you who are brought up taught to go after what you want, are you happy with the things you acquired by force? When an apple is not ripe enough, you know it's not going to taste good if you pick it early. While a butterfly belongs to a garden, you can't keep it in your little cage, because it will eventually die. Every thing happens at their own pace, and you gotta be patient, otherwise, you could lose a whole lot more than you can ever imagine... ...

together?

Have to share!

Have been reading Emanuel Derman's My Life as a Quant, such a well-written book that I have to share with you some of the classic quotations:

Ever since, through ups and downs, I have tried to remember that no matter how low you get, about work or life, you can take some solace from the fact that the future is unpredictable. Even in the midst of misery, unexpectedly good things can happen without warning."

Years later I met corporate lawyers and Wall Street salesmaen who touted the fringe benefits of their jobs -- first class flights, expensive meals, and fancy hotels. I silently scorned their focus on the material benefits of work. In physics, I thought, the life itself was the benefit; talking about physics to interesting people in interesting places was the main dish, not the cutlery.

"This coercion had such a deterring effect that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distateful to me for an entire year." [words of Einstein]

to be continued ... ...

Quotes from Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

"Nietzsche's words, 'He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.'"

"When we are no longer able to change a situation—just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer—we are challenged to change ourselves"

"Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him - mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp."

"We can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by doing a deed; (2) by experiencing a value; and (3) by suffering."

"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."

"Man is capable of changing the world for the better if possible, and of changing himself for the better if necessary."

"Set me like a seal upon thy heart, love is as strong as death." (Cf. Song of Solomon 8:6)

Daily Reflection

Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!
It has no commander, no overseer or ruler,
yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.

How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest --
and poverty will come on you like a bandit and
scarcity like an armed man.

-Proverb 6:6-11

Have been sluggish on my studying for the GMAT. It's shocking how fast a day can pass with very few things getting done. Woke up late to start from mid day, long hours spent in front of laptop doing nothing, and didn't help much with the chores around the house either. This rustiness is catching up to me, and I have to make a change to it.

Heartless

"People say, a man is like a head of onion, a woman is trying to find his heart by peeling off the skins, while doing it, tears well up, but she keeps at it. but eventually, the woman will sadly find out that he doesn't really have a heart." Quoted from a frend of mine.

Women are silly, if one woman peeled a onion and got it, shouldn't we all get it by now? What irritates me even more is that even the very women who got it earlier, later will again fall into the illusion that maybe this one has a heart?

Wake up, silly women! Bubble wrap your heart today and put it in a swiss bank safe or under your mattress or anywhere so that heartless men will never get to them. Trust me, you've got to protect yourself, save your heart from those lofty and saccharine promises, selfish and self-centered excuses, and tell him "sorry buddy, left my heart at home today." Without it, what else is there to lose in this cruel cruel game of love?

Im reading

If ever I would leave you

If ever I would leave you
It wouldn't be in summer.
Seeing you in summer I never would go.
Your hair streaked with sun-light,
Your lips red as flame,
Your face witha lustre that puts gold to shame!

But if I'd ever leave you,
It couldn't be in autumn.
How I'd leave in autumn I never will know.
I've seen how you sparkle
When fall nips the air.
I know you in autumn
And I must be there.

And could I leave you running merrily through the snow?
Or on a wintry evening
when you catch the fire's glow?

If ever I would leave you,
How could it be in spring-time?
Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so?

Oh, no! not in spring-time!
Summer, winter or fall!
No, never could I leave you at all!

-Camelot