Love Story - (12) The perfect sunset

"Oh my dear, I'm afraid you will have to see the sunset on my plane, cuz we are going to the Great Wall in, let's say, an hour."
"... ... "
"No time for questions, get ready, now!"
... ...
... ...
He used to say, there is this intrinsic value in watching sunsets, but I never got it. As our plane pulled up steeply into the sky, and finally broke through the thick layer of clouds, I saw it, there, the perfect sunset... ... If I were to die at the next second, I could proudly say, that I have no regret spending my last second on earth watching the most beautiful sunset. What's the "sunset" in your life? What are you busy doing every day and night? Are they as meaningful as watching the sunset? What is driving your life right now?

Okay, my poor readers, I won't bombard you with any more questions, since you have been so loyally followed along my story. But keep those questions in mind, and hopefully someday, you will realize, as how I realized at that moment, that how much we have missed out by occupying ourselves with meaningless things. Whatever is driving you right now, be it money, fame, fear, loneliness, or anxiety, try to make it "love." Let love take the driver's seat for one time, love somebody, with all your heart, make a commitment, and then you will be able to see THE perfect sunset, I promise.

"Hey Sunshine, this is the captain speaking, I want to welcome you to flight 1 bound for Beijing, our flight time today is 16 hours , we will be flying at an average altitude of 29,000 feet, on behalf of Wilde Airline and myself, I want to wish you a enjoyable stay at Beijing and hopefully find your lost husband there, now sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight... ..."

Walking out of yet another interview room, never have I felt so lost and tired. Felt like I was being tossed by waves everyday, waves of "shoulds," I should go to classes, I should find a job, I should do research on the company, I should blah... ... when my heart is really saying, skip the class, read a book, spend more time with people you love, and take time to figure out what you really want. "No, no, no, no time," says the mind, and the body just moves mechanically to places where I am supposed to be at a certain time, from Evans, to Career Center, to Haas, to Foothill DC, to Career Center again, and to Barrows... ...

A truly happy birthday

走著忍著　醒著想著　看爱情悄悄近了
冷的暖的　甜的苦的　在心里缠绕成河
曲折的心情有人懂　怎麽能不感动
几乎忘了昨日的种种　开始又敢做梦

我决定不躲了　你决定不怕了
我们决定了让爱像绿草原滋长著
天地辽阔相遇多难得?
都是有故事的人才听懂心里的歌

我决定不躲了　你决定不怕了
就算下一秒坎坷这一秒是快乐的
曾经交心就非常值得
我要专注爱你
不想别的,没有忐忑

Fear

I finally spot my biggest fear -- void. It's like this deep deep hole, that I want to fill up so desperately, anything, give me anything so I can fill it up, be it garbage, TV cords, plastic bags, I don't mind, just as long as I am occupied. It's true that when you start things for the wrong reason, you will never get it right. Okay, dump all the trash out, go back to square 1, and start all over!

Remember him -
before the silver cord is severed, or the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
or the wheel broken at the well,
and the dust returns to the ground I came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.
Meaningless! Meaningless! says the teacher,
everything is meaningless!

-Ecclesiastes 12:6-8

It's not about the tartar sauce!!!

Today, I accidentally tore the left sleeve of my fleece jacket, then I felt that finally the jacket can be officially called my own, cuz I have done some damage to it. If some random guy grab it and claim it's his, I would just say, it's mine, cuz there is slit on the left sleeve, that's my signature there. Why do we always hurt the ones we love? when they are the only ones who care. and why do we go around and claim things as our own when we actually own nothing in this world, not even our life. Oh well, seems I started the semester on the wrong foot, everything hasn't gone the way I wanted it to be, disappointments accumulated over days, weeks, and months, to a point today, 11:02 am to be exact, that I really wanted to cry. So I did, a passerby looked at me and asked, "did something get into your eyes?" I smiled and nodded, but what I really mean to say is that, "it's not about the tartar sauce, it's about me."

Addiction

Google is not working!!! What happened? When did I allow myself to get so dependent on him? Just can't imagine a world without him. But hey, Google is not going to be around forever, someday someone will replace him, and I might think of him once in a while, and told my grandchildren, once upon a time ... ...

Love Story - (11) I would like to see a sunset

"Wake up, Sunshine! ... ..."
"Where am I?... ... Oh my God, what time is it?"
"Don't worry! I already called your MD and told him you quit."
"You what? ..."
"Yes, I did you a big favor. It's okay, you don't have to thank me now."
... ...
Okay, Felicity, wake up! Oh Lord, I am awake. Please, please tell me this is a dream. I haven't finished my valuation, and oh my God, the 3pm meeting with project team ... ... Yes, this is how I ended my shortlived career and No, he is not joking. After furiously staring at him for another 2 minutes, we both broke into a big laughing fit. Man, I gave up.

"Do you know why I did it?" He handed me a hot towel.
"Cuz you hate me, you hate me because I stole your four-colored pen."
"Oh yea, you should give that back. But anyways, I did it because of you."
"Right! Running into you is my best luck of the year."
"Oh Yea, you bet! Do you know how long you cried last night? and all those things you said, you don't remember?"
"What did I say?"
"You told me everything, so I decided to help you, help you to get what you really want from this life."
... ... ... ...
Funny, funny, funny. At that point of time, unemployed, with no idea where my life is heading, with a bad hangover and a bad hair, I felt something, something I haven't felt for so long, and if my memory serves me right, that something is called happiness, and last time I licked it, it's sweet.

"Okay my little princess, now you have all the time in the world, what would you like to do first?"
Looking out of the window, I smiled, "Sunset, I would like to see a sunset... ..."

Love Story - (10) Hey Sunshine

Tired. Not physically, not emotionally, but both. Before I know it, it's already 9 o'clock at night. Outside of my office window, the city was lit up so beautifully; whereas in front of me, a big stack of paper, two slices of cold and stale pizza, and one disgruntled coworker, fidgeting with his empty soda cup. "Come on, let's hit the bar for some drink."

I always order Cosmo when I feel down, red, is his favorite color... ... "Hey, that old dude over there is totally checking you out." I look up. What a familiar face, though a little weathered, still, it's him, I can tell, you can never go wrong with that hallmark smile. "Hey Sunshine!" he raises his cup to me from the other side of the counter.

"Hey Moonlight!" (our secret greeting). Mason Wilde, an old classmate turned good friend. I always believe that we have some sort of special connection, like two years ago, he flew all the way from switzerland to berkeley to sit right next to me on an Econ Discussion section, the same way as today, when God send him to me again when I feel like hitting the bottom.

"Of all the gin joints in the world, you have to walk into mine."
"What are you doing in Chicago? and where is your wife?"
"Answer me first, what are you doing in Chi-town, and where is your hubby?"
... ...
An hour later...
... ...
"That's funny, you got abandoned by your fiance, and I got divorced by my wife, girl, we have to drink to this! Hey, bartender, two martinis, please!"
"But Mason, I still have work."
"Shihhh...."
... ...
Another hour later...
... ...
We are singing and dancing. There is no one in the world could crack me up the way like he does, and there is no one like him that could make complex things so crytal clear to me. He is this guy, earned all the money in the world, suddenly quit his job, because one day, his doctor told him "Mason, if you keep working like a maniac, you at most have another 10 months." He showed me his old pictures, the before and after contrast is like from Pavarotti to Michael Bolton, and I am not kidding. So he came to berkeley, as he said, all he cares now are health, good food, and family. "You can push your body, and your body can take the shit, but once it's damaged, it will never be fixed." That's how he tried to persuade me not to enter ibanking. But, I chose not to listen.

"Now your wife left you cuz you are broke, how ironic! When you finally have the time to be with her, she left."
"Yea, you women are so enigmatic. What do you women want? huh?"
"I don't know."
"Yea, you do know, you women want everything. But, like the Chinese said, bear and fish, you can only choose one. So, quit your shitty job and go look for him, if you still care."
"But... ..."
"No but. Look at you! I don't think you can go on for too long without him. Come on girl, you know where to find him, I know you do, just follow your heart ..."