My senses are on vacation...

I've been running a low fever since the pool party, I guess partially because my boss's naughty son kept squirting water at me. Strangely enough, I like this sensation except the fact that my heart is racing all the time- my body is so weak and my senses are so numb that I have no energy to pretend - I can really be myself, as I am less self-conscious, less high-strung, and less sensitive to the people and things surrounding me. Sometimes I hate the fact that I am so damn sensitive, I can perceive every little facial expression or change of mood of other people, I can remember every damn trivial things in the past, and I hold grudges against people who have wronged me long time ago. I wished I was dense, I wish I could forget and forgive. Imagine all the memory I'd save if i delete all those useless data I've been gathering for my brain to process, and all the energy I'd put to other uses (in this case, my energy are consumed by the fever). But I am who I am, it's hard to change a twenty plus years of habit. I'd like to think God made me this way because he has special meaning for me. After the fever, I will go back to the old me, and all my senses will return. So, don't mess with me, cuz I will always remember......hahahaha......

BBQ @ my boss'

BBQ
Originally uploaded by saisai.

My boss throwed me a send-off party at his house today. Can't imagine I've worked for him for three plus years. It's rare to have a good relationship with your boss, so I cherish it very much.

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

My favorite quotes

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"Ohana Means Family! And family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."
-Lilo & Stitch

"Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake."
-Casablanca

"Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
- Forrest Gump

Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I'm entitled to them.
Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth!
Jessep: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessep: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.
Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessep: You're goddamn right I did!!
-A few good men

Mr Big: Absofuckinglutely.
-Sex and the city

Foothill-suite

I'm going to live in Foothill, one of berkeley's newest housing complex. It has more space than those high-rises room I lived in during Calso. Located at the northern part of the campus, Foothill is a much quieter place. Inhabited mostly by engineering major geeks, it is a better place to focus on your study, and be away from all the distractions. I will be living in a triple room suite, as you can see from the picture, there is a shared living room and bathroom for the people in the whole suite, not bad, compared to sharing one bathroom with 30 people on the same floor in those highrises. The only down side is its expensive rent, but I guess it's the price you pay to have a more social life and to experience the quintessential college life.

Foothill

foothill_1
Originally uploaded by saisai.

Envy

It is a human vice as much as a human nature, nobody can get rid of it. When people around us get someting, like success, luck, fame, money, love, etc., it feels as if we lose something, ironically, tho in fact we don't own them in the first place. I remember one episode of Will & Grace, in which Grace's freeloading older sister Janet was in town. Seeing Grace was so upset with her loser middle-aged sibling, Will decided to help Janet out. He found her a job at a top designer's boutique with tantalizing perks, bought her a nice apartment with chic decor, and cooked a decadent dinner to celebrate, while all these were credited to Janet to make Grace happy. Quite to the contrary, Grace was not happy, she said thing weren't supposed to be this way, Janet should always be a failure, and her younge sister should always be the overweight loser, so she could be the perfect one in the middle. Well, it sounded pretty selfish at first, but if we think carefully, you will find that we all have a selfish, envious, and egocentric persona within ourselves. Last month, my sister won a big contest, but I didn't feel happy for her tho I didn't show on my face. There was an inner voice within me wispering when I heard the news, "Her? a high school dropout could win the first place? No way!" In retrospect, I feel so bad about myself. Envy is such a horrible thing, it can turn us into monsters. Don't feed the fire of envy with your selfishness, calm it with your conscience. When you put yourself in the other person's shoes, you will find they truly deserve what they are awarded, and you'll be happy and at peace with yourself.

Howls moving castle

It seems every Miyazaki's movie has a beautiful love story woven into his complex plot. The two main characters of Howl's moving castle, Sophie & Howl, are such a cute couple, I could feel the chemistry between them right from the start. Though Sophie was transformed into a 90-year-old crone, her love for Howl was the best cure for the vicious spell.

Hollywood Blvd.

hollywood blvd.
Originally uploaded by saisai.

They were shooting Lindsay Lohan's new movie Herbie: fully loaded today on Hollywood Blvd.

Are you ready for the big one?

It's earthquake season! Four major earthquakes struck the west coast in the past two weeks, and I felt two of them, honestly, I was freaked out, why were they happening so frequently? are they leading to a big one? some people say that the only way to cool off California's hot house market is a big earthquake, look what's happening now. As the saying goes, "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it."

Wacky sense of fashion

I don't know why, recently, I think red nose is sexy, it's a fit, like last year, I was so into small band-aid sticking on my cheek. so now, every morning I put blush on my nose, just a light tone of red across the nose and extended to the cheeks, I'm loving it...

Let's spend the night together

...the longer I sat in the dorm, the more depressed I got, so we went out for a stroll around the campus at dusk. Walking in the rain, the campus felt so empty, there were people passing by once in a while, I tried to smile at them but they didn't smile back, I felt cold. The Sather Tower was standing lonely in the rain, last time I saw it, it was Christmas, we were on a tour bus, the guide pointed to the tower as the bus rushed by Berkeley, I only caught a glimpse of it and I thought to myself, oh, so that's berkeley ... now here I am, but I didn't feel as happy as I was supposed to be, maybe it was the weather, maybe... The campus was huge, and very beautiful too, especially the northern part, there was even a creek meandering through the woods. I like Berkeley's old European style buildings, every single one of them was so different and they must be at least a hundred years old...sunset at 8:30pm, exactly as weather.com predicted. We went back to our dorms, FYI, my Mom and I had rooms on different floors, we were deliberately seperated and each assigned a roommate. My roommate, the girl left her bra hanging from the desk, was partying somewhere probably, so I headed to my Mom's room cuz we needed to share shampoo, toothpaste and other stuff. Surprisingly enough, my Mom's roommate was in the room alone reading. A bubbly Iranian lady, like all protecive asian parents, she tagged along with her son. From the moment we entered the room, she had been complaining about the dorm in her funny accent, "this is bad, don't you feel bad? it's like a jail, I even feel bad for you kids. You will not have privacy at all. I feel sorry for my son......" that didn't make me feel any better, but very nice of her, she allowed me to spend the night in their rooms. I was feeling so guilty seeing my mom climbing up to the upper bunk, the Iranian lady kept on babbling about her son, but my mind was somewhere else, and my body was already asleep...

The dorm

...okay, after checking in, we headed directly to the Unit 1 dorm where we would be spending the night, with our skeleton key, literally, you wouldn't want to lose the key cuz you'll need it to open the front gate, to get access to the elevator, bathroom, and your dorm room. There was this moldy smell in the building and it was creepily quiet as we took to the upper floor. The hallway was extremely narrow and stuffy, thank god I don't have claustrophobia, otherwise I don't think I'll be able to survive here. As you can see from the picture, the dorm room wasn't that bad, except it was kinda small for three people. The view outside was pretty cool and refreshing. oh, and the stuff on the desk, they belonged to my roommate, who I never got a chance to meet, her only presence was her socks spread around on the floor and the black bra on the right corner of the desk. I was really curious to see this lady tho, but she didn't show...en, mysterious bra-less girl...

Almost there

....4:15pm, finally got off the freeway, the weather was foggy and chilly, definitely not my favorite type to drive in. The surface street was really narrow, let alone that both sides of the street was lined bumper to bumper with parking vehicles. People there drive even more aggressively than SoCal folks, I had three cars cut me off without signaling, where are the patrol cars? they would really make a fortune issuing a bunch of tickets there. oh, and the street signs, why can't they make them a little bit bigger, they are not those large overhead street name signs that hang from traffic signal type that I am familiar with, they were so tiny and often hidden behind those old trees, my Mom is far-sighted, and that even didn't help. thanks to that, I overshot the street I was supposed to turn onto, wished I'd brought a pair of binoculars with me, that would have been really handy. and don't get me started on those one-way streets, it was so frustrating to drive there, not to mention all those jay-walking pedestrians, MAN, now I know why my advisors warned us not to bring cars to Berkeley! okay, after two left turns, one U-turn, and two right turns, I finally got onto College street. I took it as God's mercy toward me, as I found a parking spot right in front of my check-in place, and, strangely, on the way here, I never felt tired at all until the moment I turned off the ignition, Man, was I beat!

On the road

On the way to Berkeley, we drove, drove and drove... felt like it would take forever to get there, but I liked it, subconsciously, I wished I could be driving like this forever, open road, blue sky, fluffy clouds, and green fields... especially not knowing what lies ahead, what the future will bring... then just let me stay at the midpoint between the past and the future, driving like there is no end... we played some music, CDs from my former co-worker, he was a bachelor, so all of his CDs are filled with songs about lonely & heartbroken men longing for love, there is even a whole album titled "Lonesome men's hearts," interesting, I used to think men don't really have hearts, anyway, I digress... The farther we drove, the more it reminded me that how far I would be away from home, it is a long long road...As we drove north, ominous-looking clouds started to gather up, we went under patches after patches of shadow cast by the big clouds floating above us, and as we approached the Oakland area, rain started to fall, and the freeway expanded from two-lanes to four lanes, Berkeley was near, I could feel it, and there was this mixed feeling about seeing Berkeley for the first time, like on a blind date, I was both excited and apprehensive at the same time...

The Scholar

ABC7's new reality show The Scholar aired last night, 10 outstanding high school seniors compete for a full-ride scholarship to their dream schools. From different ethnic, finanical and social backgrounds, they each represent the best and the brightest among their peers. Jeremy from Westminster, CA is the only asian in the group, and he is kinda like the epitome of all hard-working kids from the asian immigrant families, who are under so much pressure of living up to the American dream their parents have hoped for them. Last night, he was so close to winning the 50 grand scholarship. you know, I was really rooting for him because first up I can really relate to him, and second up, he is kinda cute :P, check out the picture. well, he's still got chance to compete for the final reward, I wish him luck!

Sometimes love just ain’t enough

The word "love" is so overrated, overstated and overused in today's world. Before you blurt out those three words, have you ever asked yourself what love is?

old picture

my snowman
Originally uploaded by saisai.

Dad made me this snowman, and I still remember it, though the memory is so blurry. as you can see, I was way more photogenic back then. Mom said I never used the same pose twice in front of the camera, I was a natural. unlike now, when I grow so self-conscious and camera-shy. She always says that she likes the smaller-version me better, the little girl who was never shy in front of people, energetic and bold. I would sing and dance impromptu whenever and wherever I was asked to. I was a little entertainer back then and my Grandparents loved to show me off in front of their friends. But as I grow up, I become more reserved as if I've tranformed into another person. where is that part of me? where are you? I know you are somewhere within me, and I need to find you...

Dr. Kinsey

Saturday night we watched the Movie Kinsey, Everything You Need to Know About Sex. It was a little awkward to watch it with my parents, they just totally freaked out about how explicit the movie was. In the movie, Dr. Kinsey slept with his male student, then his students slept with Mrs. Kinsey, "this is outrageous, this movie is promoting Promiscuity! ........" said my pissed-off parents. I was confused as well, according to Kinsey, human beings are capable of expressing themselves sexually in many ways, and they should be able to do so freely without social restraints, no matter if it is heterosexual or homosexual, sex doesn't have to be enriched by emotion... but aren't the social retraint and emotional attachment supposed to seperate human beings from the other animals? if we can have sex with anyone we feel like to, what is so different between us and the chimpanzees? but we can't really blame Kinsey for it, as a physicist who had spent 20 years researching gallwasps, I guess he sees sex in a more physiological rather than social way.

Here is an excerpt of his lecture that I found rather interesting:

Why are some cows highly sexed, while others just stand there?Why do some men need 30 orgasms a week, and others almost none?Because everyone is different. The problem is, most people want to be the same. They find it easier to simply ignore this fundamental aspect of the human condition. They're so eager to be part of the group that they'll betray their own nature to get there.

gadgets

gadgets
Originally uploaded by saisai.

I'm typing away on my cute little Inspiron 700 laptop with my tiny little MuVo plugged in...

ramdom

my boss' niece (God, I even forgot how to spell niece, my mind has come to a stagnant state) called again just a minute ago. she is nice, everytime she called, she would chat with me for a while, not like the other callers, they treated you like an answer machine. she would tell jokes and stuff, and I laughed, it's good to laugh, especically when my work is unbearingly boring and depressing. Most of the time, she did the talking and I would do the laughing part. she asked me about school today, I told her school is off. I didn't bother to tell her I'm going to berkeley soon, I mean who gave a damn about other people, especially to her, I'm just the phone girl. she sounded tired, she was driving while talking to me. It was just last month when she gave birth to a baby boy, now she is back on track again, busy with her business and stuff. I don't get rich people, when you can afford a porsche, why can't you afford an hour with your kids? she is very attractive and charismatic, sometimes I wished I could be her...

Itinerary

I'm goin to Cal for the first time in the coming week. It's a one-day orientation with lots of information, and it will be hectic for sure. We are gonna have to drive up the golden state freeway early in the morning, it will take at least 6 hours, gulp, and hopefully arrive there in the early afternoon so that we could still have some time to look around, get familiar with the community, and maybe do some shopping, I really want to get those Berkeley Mom/Dad T-shirts and car stickers for my parents! The check in time of the orientation is 7:30am the next day. We will spend most of the day talking with advisors, learning how to use the Telebear (online system), and enrolling our first 10.5 units at Cal. Afternoon will be easier, we will have some current Cal students talk about their experiences. Orientation will wrap up probably around 6pm, then we have to drive down the 101 about 3 hours to get to our hotel, which is just across the street from the moonstone beach. It will be exhausting, but I'm glad I get to spend the night right next to the pacific ocean. Next morning, we will take an early stroll around the beach before heading home down the 101. I heard the scenery along the coast is breathtaking, really looking forward to it. lots lots of pictures will be taken!