Prayer needed!

I've been couped up at home for the last few days fighting appendicitis. The pain in my lower right abdomen has gone from sharp, sporadic pain to dull, continuous pain. I've been running a fever for almost a week, and my belly is bloating like balloon. Looking in the mirror, I am not beautiful, I am pale, disheveled, and spiritless. Then I was thinking, I want to ask God, why, why do you want people to get sick? As if surviving our everyday life is not hard enough. Do God want the illness to make us realize that we are not invincible, to humble us, or just to torture us? Is he trying to teach us something? Strangely, though my body is enduring the excruciating pain, my mind is at peace, as opposed to being restless, antsy, and frustrated over the trivial things in my life. now I can focus mainly on my illness, use all my means to cure myself. I can take my mind off those worries, read a book, listen to music, and take a nap... I am taking a vacation... somehow in my heart, I believe God will cure me eventually, and faith is my best medicine. So I am asking you, would you please pray for me... ...

Ambiguity

F*ck Berkeley Bureaucracy

Sorry for the language, but they really piss me off today. What are they doing everyday? Too busy picketing for their own benefit to give a shit about the students? Forget about education, it's nothing about us, it's all about them!

Contrast

Today, al qaeda struck again, this time is in London, 37 innocent people lost their lives while riding to work. Recall just a few days ago, Live8 concert took place at 8 cities around the world to raise money for the elimination of poverty in Africa, to save lives. Today, terrorists aimed to destroy lives. What a stark contrast!

At the same time, I was thinking, why do people never remember? After 9.11, why do we still give terrorists chance to put us in harms way? Why do we always have to wait after tragedy happened to realise we need to raise the alert and take action?

I need a hobby!

In last night's finale of Beauty and the Geek, the two final couples were asked to spend the day teach each other what they are good at. Chuck taught Caitilin martial art, Cait in turn taught the big handsom geek how to cook salmon. Meanwhile, their rivals, Richard and Mindi were busy acquainting with each other also. Mindi coached Richard kayaking, and who knows the obnoxious Richard could play a beautiful piano solo. It really proved the fact that you can not judge a book by its cover, and everyone has his/er shining points. Then, being a narcissist that I am, I thought about myself. If I were on the show and asked to teach the other partner what I am very good at, what would I do? Dug into my memories, I did learn to play some instrument when I was five, and I even used to go to pingpong lessons when I was in elementary school, then for my lack of perseverance and my parent's overprotectiveness, I didn't follow through. I don't really have anyting that I can be an expert of. Then this sense of shame began to come over me. What have I done for the last twenty+ years? I felt like a big L was hanging on my forehad. Half of the summer has already been gone, and what have I done? Nada, except sitting on my ass all day at my office. I want to learn something, anything, yoga, karate, cycling, you name it. I don't think I can afford keeping squandering my life away like this anymore.

Love me to death

Last night I had a dream, in the dream, a guy was infatuated with me and pursuing me like crazy. I remembered I was constantly on the run, and he always managed to find me and hold me tight in his arms so that I wouldn't run away from him again. Tho my mind was telling me to run away, but subconciously I wanted him to be after me, I really liked it when he held me so tight that it started to hurt, is this some kind of masochism? Of all the guys I had dated, they gave up so easily when I called it off, it's like right in my face, "you are not so hot yourself, so, ciao!" sometimes, it makes me wonder. Am I too plain to have a guy fall head over heels for me? Of course, I am not a girl that really stands out from the crowd, appearance-wise, and most of the guys I dated, we were only on a first-date basis, so they didn't really know me or didn't even try to, so whatever. My point here is, it's really hard to explain what a girl really wants, we are born with complicated brains, so if there was a after life for me, I'd rather be a guy, seriously, God, please!

Colors of the Wind - Pocahontas

palmspring 082
Originally uploaded by saisai.

You think you own whatever land you land on
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

How high will the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon

For whether we are white or copper skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

Here I am

palmspring 145
Originally uploaded by saisai.

This is exactly how I pictured it, crystal blue sky, vast pristine wilderness, and the sound and smell of mother nature. Standing at the top of the Mount San Jacinto, overlooking the forrest, I felt the wind was combing my hair, and the sun was kissing my face. It's a moment like this that I could forget all about my little world, open my eyes and see how small I am compared to the vastness of the real world.

再回首 looking back...

再回首　雲遮斷歸途
Looking back, clouds obstruct my way home

再回首　荊棘密佈
Looking back, thorns and thistles cover the road

今夜不會再有難捨的舊夢
Tonight, I don't want to dream the old dream any more

曾經與你共有的夢　
The dream we shared together

今後要向誰訴說
The dream I will not be able to share with anyone else

再回首　背影已遠走
Looking back, the shadow of your back has been long gone

再回首　淚眼朦朧
Looking back, tears start to well up

留下你的祝福
It's your blessing that I will keep with me

寒夜溫暖我
They warm me during those cold nights,

不管明天要面對多少傷痛和迷惑
no matter how many pains and confusions I will have to face tomorrow

曾經在幽幽暗暗反反覆覆中追問
I used to relentlessly pursue the goals of my life

才知道平平淡淡從從容容才是真
Now I realize it is simplicity that gives me peace

再回首　恍然如夢
Looking back again, it's been like a dram

再回首　我心依舊
Looking back again, my heart is still the same

只有那無盡的長路伴著我
Only the long long road ahead of me will be my companion...

Pride Parade

Pride Parade
Originally uploaded by Smaku.

Prince Charles and Camilla made it to the Gay Parade.

Digital Fortress

Just finished Dan Brown's another thriller Digital Fortress, man, do I love the story! I've never finished a book this fast before. For the last few days, I was so engrossed in the plot that I found it hard to put the book down. It felt like a wild adventure with numerous twists and puzzles, and I'm glad I got all my questions answered at the end. Interestingly, this book was recommended to me by my Math professor when we were talking about what a math major student can do with his/her life. Code-breaking, that sounds like fun, and not to mention the thrill working for the biggest secret agency in the whole world and living a 007 life style. OK, another incentive to study my ass off for the next two years!

Get out of the city

So, where are you going this long weekend? people are asking each other all through the week. Most of them answer Vegas. What's so good about vegas? I never get it. Some are going to San Diego. I've never been there before, probably in the future, but not this weekend, long commute turns me off. For those lucky ones, who got more time on their hands, they are flying/cruising out of state, or even out of country, me so jealous. So, what's your plan this weekend? you might ask. well, mine is simple, just want to get out of the city, get away from my suffocating office job, the bustling streets, and the congested freeways. I want fresh air, blue sky, green trees, and warm breeze. Somewhere not too far from home, yet far enough to find solitude. I am thinking about Palm Springs...