discipline

right now, I am thinking about ditching class again. why, every tuesday afternoon, I would scout for excuses to ditch my least favorite class--physics. though 99% of students have at least once skipped some classes, I am, frankly, very addicted to ditching classes. it's not like that I am super busy or something, I have two whole afternoons all to myself chilling and vegging out, I just like the thrill, almost like the scene in the movie "Ocean's 11," when they watch the beautiful music fountain in front of Bellagio after the million dollar heist, that's it, like you outsmart the wholeworld, well, I know it's a bit exaggerated. my ditching-class history can trace back to my second grade, no, actually, I began ditching kindergarten long before school, well, it didn't go well, I got caught, parents were called, and I was since scarred from that experience, but that didn't deter me from skipping classes, maybe I am lack of discipline genetically, cuz i always think that I get that from my dad. yet, I can't deny that, underneath all these behaviors, is my inconfidence, my insecurity, and my cowardice, and I am not making a fuss about that. I always wanna run away from things that I am not sure of, things that might put me outside my comfort zone, but isn't it being an adult means that you can't always refuse doing things just becuz you don't feel like to? sometimes, we have to do things by the rule not by your heart.