blissful ignorance

part of being grown up is accepting the blaring truth. when u r young, everything is beautiful, everyone is lovable, and every promise is a promise. but as years gone by, things change, people leave or die, promise broken and our eyes begin to open, things are becoming clear, and the answers are unfolding. people say, with age comes wisdom, and so does disillusion, disappointment, and cynicalness. I remember when I was in elementary school, everyday when I come home, I'd see grandma sitting on the patio reading newspaper, sunshine reflecting off her silver hair and her gold glasses frame, "grandmama" I called, and she would look up and smile. in my little heart, I believe I will always come home to this peaceful shelter, no matter how bad a day I'd had. grandma died on a beautiful summer's morning without saying goodbye...life is like a jigsaw puzzle, when u r getting older, things start to make sense and also get predictable, but still those pieces can trick you. you are getting adjusted to the light, but still part of you want to stay in dark, becuz the deep denial gives us comfort and sense of security. often times, there seems are two characters inside of me fighting, like this one: "he still loves me," "oh, stop it, he treats you like crap," "but he used to say he loves me," "oh yeah, well he just want to get laid, all men are like this," ... ... we went back and forth on some issues, like hanging on a cliff, too afraid to jump to the reality, you know you are not gonna hanging there forever, then what in the hell are you waiting for? for an empty promise, for the fading past, or for someone that is not worthy of your love any more? get smart, accept the fact, live in the light, I know is hard, but we are getting stronger everyday.